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The 2023-2024 Playoff Pool Rules and Prize Descriptions
This year we are again using a Progressive Scoring System (PPS).
Two points will be awarded for picking the correct Opening Round series winner.
Three points will be awarded for picking the correct Second Round series winner.
Four points will be awarded for picking the correct Conference Final series winner.
And five points will be awarded for picking the correct Stanley Cup Final series winner.
In addition, one bonus point will be added if you ALSO pick the correct number of games that are contained in a series.
For example, you sagely pick the Bruins to win the Opening Round in six games.
-If the Bruins win in five games, you get two points for picking the winner.
-If the Bruins win in six games, you get three points (two points for the win, plus one bonus point.)
-If the Bruins lose in six games, you get no points.
HOWEVER, if you predict that a series will go seven games yet pick the losing team, you will be awarded one bonus point for coming pretty damn close.
There is also a Bruins bonus point, but you'll have to read the rules below to find out more about that detail.
There are TWO prize categories:
Because some try pretty damn hard to win the Cellar Spot we
introduced a secondary series of caveats to the Claude. If the losing
team scores no goals in the final game, the Claude will go the person who finishes
last. If the losing team scores one goal, the Claude will go to the person who
finishes second to last. Two goals = third from last. Three goals =
fourth from last. And if the losing team scores five goals, and still
loses the Stanley Cup (!) the person who finishes fifth from last will win the
Claude, and we'll wash your car.
This year's Claude Cup prize: a 3-D LED Optical Illusion (or otherwise) lamp with remote control and timer (!) because who wants to have to get out of their motorized, heated and massage ready LazyBoy recliner to have to manually turn on their 3-D LED Optical Illusion (or otherwise) lamp? Yeah - this is a pretty useless item. But it's going to last long enough to make it into your will. Unless it's not available when the playoffs conclude. In which case you'll win a tie.
Rules.
Rule 1.
The GoBruins NHL Stanley Cup Playoff Pool is the auldest continuously operating
pool of its name in the world. As such, its rules, if not sacrosanct, are
creatively paginated. You can only win one Cup a year. If you come
in first in two categories, your Panel-O-Judges will arbitrarily and
capriciously decide which Cup you will hoist. You must submit an entry
during each round in order to be eligible for a prize. As of the writing of
this rule, there are no known exceptions to said rule.
Rule 1(B). Scoring
This year all scoring is awarded based on the Progressive Scoring System (PPS.) Two points are awarded for picking the correct Opening Round series winner, three points for picking the correct Second Round series winner, four points for the correct Conference Final series winner, and five points for the correct Stanley Cup Final series winner.
Rule 1(B)(1). Ancillary Scoring (aka the Northwest-By-Fredericton Rule)
A bonus point will be added if you pick the Boston Bruins
to win a series in four games and they win said series in four games. This
point will be in addition to the Rule 1(B) bonus point.
Rule 2. Claiming a Prize (aka The Dread Rule)
If you happen to win a prize, you must email the Pool
within two weeks of said winning to collect said winnings, otherwise said
prize will default to last or next year's same Cup winner, provided they,
too, email the Pool within that selfsame two week period to collect said
prize. Why do we have this foolish rule? Because we do. And because
we want to reward the bored few who happen to have read this far down in the
rules and pretend to understand them. Rule Two does not apply to the
Bettman Cup.
Rule 2(A). Prize Availability
1. The company that created, sold, and supplied Angry Scotsman Chewing Gum no longer sells or supplies this formerly most awesome box of pictured awesomeness. As such, ye canna gi it na mur.
2. Compliance with any prize mailing is entirely dependent upon the energy level of your Panel-O-Judge's at the conclusion of the Playoffs, their collective access to a boat, or to a salt-water beach. If ye win a prize you'll git wha ye git
an you'll like it. Or complain. But ye'll do nae complaining ta us. 'Cause we will nae be able ta hear ye.
Rule 3. Wagering
This is a contest of skill and unadulterated chance. No wagering please. Entrants must be 18-years-of-age or older or younger to play.
Rule 4. Disqualifications.
Islamic extremists; members, supporters or apologists of Hamas; Nazis, real or imagined; facists; fashionistas; pre-mixed Old Fashions; legalized dope shops; traitors; anyone who calls someone a traitor during a political discussion; political discussions; Joe Biden; Donald Trump; Robert Kennedy's weird voice; Robert Kennedy's weird platform; the President's Cup; Chaim Bloom; John Henry; Ed Markey; Elizabeth Warren; the guy running against Elizabeth Warren; beers that are served with fruit; the still unbelievably annoying 'he scorrrrrrres' call of NHL radio shills - hockey is not soccer, get a grip, pal; Marxists, Maoists, Zeppo Marxists, Zeppo Maoists; John B. Floyd, Louis Wigfall, Dan Sickles; any knob who thinks that Maine lobstermen kill whales; Canadian lobstermen; Canadian lobsters; langostino 'lobsters'; anyone who has ever eaten a langostino lobster; the whackjob I saw don a bib to eat a baked stuffed lobster at Legal Seafood; anyone who is older than three who dons a bib to eat anything; members, living or dead, of the Westboro Baptist Church; persons not possessing a current library card; direct descendants of King Edward the First, King George the Third, or Samuel Johnson; and, families, friends, supporters, cohorts or concubines of Massachusetts politicians whom we abhor are not eligible to participate - you know who you are.
Rule 5. Military Credit
Active and former members of the Armed Forces will receive 1/2 bonus point. Email us your military affiliation and the point is yours. Active members of armed forces working against the good guys will be penalized two points. If you have to ask who the good guys are you will be penalized three points
Rule 6. Read a Damn Book
If it is to be presented in any given year, the Gusbooks.Com Cup shall be awarded to the person whose chosen goaltender 1) plays in at least ten playoff games, and 2) has the lowest goals against average. Successive tie-breaking categories shall include a) total goals scored against, b) total saves made, c) total minutes played, as determined by your Panel O' Judges. In the event that more than one person picks the same goalie, the Gusbooks.Com Cup shall be awarded to the individual who comes closest to the MIDDLE of the playoff pool pack. Entrants make their Gusbooks.Com Cup designation at the beginning of the Pool. Additionally, no one can win the Gusbooks.Com Cup two years in a row. As such, last year's Gusbook.Com Cup winner is encouraged to participate, but s/he/their getting nothing if s/he/they technically win again this year. The next in person will, instead, get the Cup.
Rule 7. Late Entries (aka The Winnipeg Rule)
We view late entries the way a 22-year old Newport socialite views 90-year old billionaires - we'll take em, but we'd prefer something a little less ripe. Late entries will be penalized one point for each day that they miss the deadline. Late entries from Manitoba will be penalized three points for originating from Manitoba.
Rule 8. Standings
A rolling and semi-accurate leader board will be posted throughout the playoffs. Said leader board will be regularly audited by our Panel-O-Auditors. Anyone submitting an entry into this pool shall be immediately appointed to said Panel-O-Auditors. Said appointment shall expire three hours after the last between-glass announcer leaves his or her game-time spot during the last game of this year's Final Round. The term 'This Year' shall mean this year. Members of the Panel-O-Auditors are expected to notify the Playoff Pool Panel-O-Judges if anything looks wrong with said Leader Board. Said Panel-O-Judges are expected to take action, immediately, or otherwise, upon said notification. If said Panel-O-Auditors does not notify the Panel-O-Judges the leader board will continue on -- blissfully unnotified.
Rule 9. SPAM
If you want out of this foolishness, drop us a note and, sha-zam ... you're out of the pool.
Rule 9(A). Cookies.
We don't know how to make or use cookies, other than cookies that are actually cookies (as opposed to 'cookies' which are actually 'cookies.') As such, any use of 'cookies' that happen to be associated with this Pool that are not cookies did not start with or otherwise involve us. This only applies to Pool participants who happen to live or visit countries that are located either in or outside of Europe, or North America, or any continent that is either adjacent or next to a continent that is adjacent to Europe or North America.
Rule 10. Rule Ten.
The total number of entrants in the Pool shall be limited
to the first 100 persons whom the Playoff Pool Panel O' Judges decide to
let join said Pool, unless said limit is raised by an arbitrary and capricious
ruling of said Panel.
Rule 11. Mutability.
All decisions of the Panel-O-Judges are final, and not
subject to review, but can be changed at a moment's notice, with or without a
moment's notice.
Rule 11(A) Mutant Policy
There is something called the GDPR which refuses to identity its full name, but
insists that everyone pretend to conform to its dictates, among which is a rule
(or rules) governing the storage of data, including your data, and how it is
used. For example, we are supposed to let you know that we have your data
(your email address) because you gave it to us. But you already know that you
gave it to us because you gave it to us. We are also supposed to let you
know that we will use your data (your email address) to send you email.
But you already know that too because we send you email. We are also
supposed to let you know that if you want to keep getting email from us you
don't have to do anything - which is fairly presumptuous because that means you
can be an uninvolved slug and we will continue to email you. Which we
won't. Finally, we are supposed to give you a way to make us stop
emailing you, which we have been doing since this, the World's Longest
Continuously Operating Pool of It's Name, has been a Pool (see Rule 9
above.) We also have to tell you that our Privacy Policy has been updated
in line with new data protection laws. Which it would be, if we had a
Privacy Policy. And if we were of the mind to follow the dictates of something
called the GDPR.
Rule 11(A)(1)
Brexit/COVID/Bettman. Pick your poison.
Rule 11(A)(2)
Scotland.
Rule 12.
The number of rules applicable to the Pool shall number no
more than eleven.
That's it. Entry forms are available. We now declare the 2023-2024 Stanley Cup Playoff Pool open.
Let the games begin.